It’s around winter solstice when I feel that itch to set New Year’s Resolutions. It’s such an efficient way to end a year with forward motion! But all too often, I systematically talk myself out of every single one before the year can even begin.
I so struggle with commitment! (I blame my birth mother.) But I digress.
New Year’s resolutions have never sat well with me. Still, I wanted some sort of ritual to honor the year past and welcome the year to come.
So I took to the Internet a few years back and sought alternatives.
Evidently, I wasn’t alone. There were countless others who were also seeking alternatives to traditional New Year’s Resolutions. They suggested I choose intentions and guiding words or take an inventory of the past year to inform my coming year. They advised me to de-clutter my closets, deep clean my house, or go on retreat.
I tried it all… okay, not all of it. The retreat will have to be tabled for experimentation at a later date.
And while every alternative to New Year’s Resolutions felt better than New Year’s Resolutions, something was missing.
This is the year I figured out why.
A lot happens over the course of a year. I’m not the same person on January 1st as on December 31st. I, like all of us, grow and change with time.
The rituals of New Year’s, even their alternatives, felt static, rigid, and limiting. They didn’t reflect my dynamic experience as a living human being.
If I’ve learned anything from life, it’s this: everything is constantly changing. Better to bend with the wind than try to resist it.
I’ve wasted many years trying to hold things in place, bracing myself against the world. Over time, as more significant things slipped through my fingers, I saw first-hand how liberating it was to let go of my need to control.
I surrendered. The world didn’t stop and I didn’t implode. Quite the opposite, in fact.
I felt at ease and calm. I felt contentment and a sense of abundance for what was (not what should have been).
The world kept spinning at an alarming speed, but I began to move slowly enough to take in all the nuanced details of the world that I had previously missed.
It allowed me to consider what was essential, where I wanted to put my time and energy and what to let go. Setting goals that emphasized end results didn’t make the cut. I value meaning and process in everything I do.
So as we sit on the threshold to 2023, I will be deliberate in not making New Year’s Resolutions. I will not choose a word to guide my days or take an inventory of the year past (though the value of reflection is a whole other post).
I will simply put one foot in front of the other, as I have for the past 15,132 days of my life (give or take a few before I learned to walk), and will continue to do so until there are no more steps to be taken.
Inevitably, I will arrive at distinct milestones in my life, but I will only be a visitor. In constant flow, with awareness and compassion, I will slowly and methodically make my way through this life in the best way I know how… one step at a time.
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