The Truth About “Bad” Decisions
“What if you choose wrong?”
Anxiety tosses this question my way all the time. But it’s especially present when I’m standing on the precipice of the unknown.
A new job, a big move, a large purchase – doesn’t seem to matter whether I’ve done my research and over thought every possibility, anxiety still comes a’knocking with that same stale question: what if you choose wrong?
This question used to stymie me. I’d stand at the counter, preparing dinner, and pause mid-chop as I tried to focus all my attention on slowing my racing heart. Yes, I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with overly sharpened knives, but that was rarely the cause of my palpitations.
Anxiety has a knack for turning decision making into a life threatening event.
“What if you choose wrong?” That question echoed in my ears. It followed me down the hall and became a constant companion, sometimes paralyzing with the simplest of decisions like, what’s for dinner?
I made a lot of “bad” decisions throughout my life. But now, looking back at 40+ years of life, and more than a few “wrong” choices, I can’t help but acknowledge that I’ve survived all of them. Recently, this revelation began to solidify. I’ve learned to see “wrong” choices, just like “right” choices, as choices. Not good. Not bad. Just choices.
Choose the wrong time to leave home for the first time? You can choose to return.
Earn a degree for a profession you end up not pursuing? It’s okay to take a different path.
Find yourself in an unhealthy relationship or friendship? Let go, and trust that your love will be welcomed elsewhere.
What if you choose wrong? Anxiety asks.
My reply? “I’ll choose again.”
My anxiety would like me to believe that choosing wrong is finite – that once I chose wrong, I’m out of options. But what I’ve learned through so many “wrong” choices, is that there’s plenty I can do!
It’s a matter of believing in my own strength, trusting I can overcome, heal and endure, and most importantly, remembering that I can choose again. Easy, right? 🥴
No, not easy at all. But knowing that I’m trying reminds me that I’m not stuck. It’s true that I won’t get every choice back after I’ve made it. I’m no time-traveler.
But detours are what make life interesting! They allow for discoveries, open up new opportunities, and remind us that we’re human. In fact, some of the decisions I deemed horrible in the moment led me to the most unexpected blessings!
Now, when I stand over a pan of sautéing vegetables, and anxiety comes at me with the question “what if I choose wrong?” I worry less about making the “right” choice, and focus more on building trust –
Trust in myself, trust that I always make the best decision I can at the time, and trust that I can accept the consequences, positive or negative, as life ebbs and flows.
We may not have much control over how our decisions unfold, but we can choose to see them as opportunities to learn more about ourselves and, hopefully, foster more grace for ourselves and those around us.
