Self care with kids is possible!

Hey Parents!

Right now I know it feels like self care is the last thing you have time for. But how would you feel if I told you that you could have 30-40 minutes a day kid-free without calling a babysitter or sitting your kid in front of a screen the whole time? Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, believe it, because I’m about to show you how to create a daily routine that gets you a solid block of self-care time every single day and teaches your child some independence.

 First things first, I hope you know that you’re not alone. Every single parent out there is feeling stretched, stressed, guilty, frustrated, and straight up angry these days. It’s unreasonable and unfair to be asked to do what we’re doing right now!

Life isn’t always fair but you are stronger than you think and you’ve accomplished more than you realize. Take stock in how far you’ve come since the beginning of this whole pandemic and recognize the growth you and your families have shown.

 Every families situation is different. But if you’re like me, you’re home with your kids 24/7 with little to no respite. Building in a routine that allows your child to build skills in independence and gets you some invaluable time to disengage is not just self care. It’s family care!

 So before I begin discussing the nuts and bolts of setting up this sort of routine, I want to stress the importance of your well being. We parents are on the front lines at home (and some of us are on the front lines in the healthcare system). We are juggling hats as professionals, parents, spouses, cooks, therapists, and teachers. And we’re in it for the long game.

That means we have to pace ourselves. We have to make sure that we set up self care systems for ourselves so that we can sustain our stamina all the way to the finish line.

I’m probably the least qualified person to use a fitness metaphor but it’s true! We can’t keep demanding more of our muscles without also nourishing them and allowing them to heal. So let’s put together a practical DAILY routine that nourishes YOU so that you can continue showing up for those you love most.

 Parenting, like anything worth our time and energy, is a marathon. Not a sprint.

At the beginning of any new routine, we have to put in a little extra. Routines require consistency in order to reap it’s benefits. But trust me when I say that it’s simple AND effective!
 
Here’s the catch. In order to make this time truly an exercise in self care, you must only do things that are for yourself. That means no responding to emails, no surfing social media, no chores! Think along the lines of reading a book with a cup of tea, writing in a journal, doing Yoga, listening to a podcast, or meditating. Use this time to nourish YOU! Remember, YOU are the most important person in your story.

5 Steps to building a self care routine that also teaches your child to be more independent
 

1. Start by assessing your current routines and schedules. Don’t just think about the slots of time that are filled with virtual classes or work. Also consider times when your children seem to naturally feel low energy, or high energy. Remember, you want to set yourself up for success.
   
2. Next, find two 20-30 minute blocks of time that don’t conflict with other obligations (ideally one in the morning, and one in the afternoon). Maybe just after lunch (if your child’s schedule is flexible or half day), or just before dinner. This is probably the most important step to making this routine stick. Make sure you’re choosing a time that is a natural dip in energy for your child.
   
3. Finally, choose 10 activities that your child is comfortable doing independently for 15-20 minutes at a time. If you don’t have 10 activities that are highly engaging that they know how to do on their own, do some research together to choose them. FYI – there may be a little more ‘training’ that has to happen if they’re new activities, but stick with it! After two weeks of focusing on these new routines, you’ll be surprised what even the littles of children are capable of. HINT: Think small! The more elaborate the plan, the more it’s going to feel like work instead of a break. Think coloring sheets of favorite characters, sticker books, etc.
   
4. Create a rewards chart to give more incentive to your child to perform these activities independently, and consider having a prize for a certain number of stickers earned each week. Maybe it’s popcorn and a family movie, or a bike ride on the weekend. Choose something you know your child will be excited to work towards, and emphasize to them that this is an exercise in building his or her skills in independence (that also happens to buy you some self-care time). Note: if your child is not yet reading, consider using pictures on your chart instead of words, to encourage more independence.
   
5. Present it to your child as a fun new way to learn independence (and stickers or a reward). Be sure to explicitly teach them how to use it, and what is expected. You can even show them how to use a timer on a tablet (or get one of those fun kitchen timers with a dial) so they can keep track of their time.