Is Goal Setting Damaging?

I go back and forth between goal setting and non-attachment. The conflict that this creates is frustrating and sometimes even painful.

It can be so easy to fall into the habit of setting goals because I want things to be different than they are – that things should be better, or more, or… At it’s root, I want to feel some semblance of control.

But the trouble with goals is that it can breed a sense of lacking. It can, at least for me, foster a feeling that what I have isn’t enough, and begs me to take control.

So is goal setting damaging to our psyche? Should we stop striving or reaching for our dreams? Maybe it’s best for things to just happen… or is it?

These are just some of the questions I’ve pondered most recently, and I’m sorry to say that no amount of intellectual analysis has brought me to any universal conclusions. That being said, a few recurring themes continue to bubble to the surface about both non-attachment and goal setting.

Non-Attachment

To separate my actions from a specific outcome allows me to be fully immersed in the process of whatever I’m doing. Whether cooking dinner, writing a short story, or dealing with an argument between my children, staying present allows the experience to unfold without resistance or manipulation.

I’m not suggesting that I always like the outcome. But there is a certain level of ease about allowing the spontaneity of life to reveal itself unjudged. It offers a sense of flow that leaves little room for clinging to outcomes or feeling disappointment in not getting what I want. It’s the ultimate manifestation of the phrase: it is what it is.

Goals

It can feel exciting to set a new goal. But all to often goals have fixed destination that are unforgiving. This can provoke feelings of anxiety, encourage negative self talk, and over emphasize outcomes. I can find myself spending more time dreaming about a perceived ‘better’ future than participating in the present.

I should note that I’m not suggesting we throw out all of our goals. I set both large and small goals on a regular basis.

Goals were the driving force behind my move across the world at 19 years old, earning my masters degree with a child and husband in tow, and taking a year off as a family to travel and re-calibrate together. It’s undeniable that goals have a valuable role to play in all of our lives.

But perhaps we’ve turned certain aspects of life into goals when really they need to be journeys.

My hesitation with goals lies in the relatively recent mentality to be destination driven in every area of our life. Whether it’s spirituality or finding our passion, I fear we’ve lost sight of the value hidden within the journey.

On it’s surface, goal setting may seem like the opposite of non-attachment, but it really isn’t. Practicing non-attachment doesn’t mean languishing on the couch, hoping that we’ll discover some motivation or direction that slipped between the cushions. It’s not a quest for magic pocket change.

Striving for non-attachment means we are actively participating in our present life, while also staying open to what may come. It means, spending more time recognizing what resonates with us, what speaks to us, and what lights us up, instead of chasing what we think we need, desire or deserve.

Goal setting is a fantastic skill for arriving at a certain destination. But not everything in life has a destination. In detaching from outcomes in life, we make space for the inconceivable, the spontaneous, and the wonderful to guide us.

Living life wide open may not offer the assurance a life guided by goals can. But I believe that somewhere between reckless abandon, and calculated steps, exists a place of ease and acceptance for endless possibilities to surprise and delight us.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Can you recall a time when you felt satisfied after achieving a goal? What about a time when you allowed spontaneity to guide you? Share your story in a comment below.

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