The other day, I was dropping my son off at school. While walking to the gates, we passed another mom. I recognized her right away because she’d volunteered at every school event I’d attended over the past four years, and just recently, I’d seen her working in various vendors around our small community.
In passing, I said, “Wow! You must be the busiest person in town!” To which she responded, “Hah! I wish.” Her comment, and mine, stayed with me all day and well into the next. Was I complimenting her on her busyness? Was busyness something to be proud of? I’m embarrassed to say that I felt a sickening “yes” bubble up in my gut. A sense of shame washed over me as I tried to justify why I was such a lazy slob compared to this woman.
Sometimes my self-worth can attach itself to things it ought not. This was one such instance. It took me a few days to disentangle myself from the belief that my self-worth was directly correlated to my busyness. It wasn’t the first time I’d had to do this, and it certainly won’t be the last. But after years of repeating this process, I’ve gotten better at reminding myself where true self-worth comes from. Maybe my conclusions will help you too.
Busy is a sickness, one that manipulates our sense of importance. When our schedules are so full that we struggle to find time to pee, it’s time to reevaluate our priorities. As much validation as we may glean from our busy schedules, busyness is a denial of our self-worth.
Let me explain. Busyness distracts us from the scary prospect that we might not be able to control or manipulate our value. That’s a frightening thought, especially to a species who tries to control everything! But we missed a critical memo somewhere along the way, probably, around middle school for many of us.
Our self-worth is intrinsic. We don’t have to earn it or prove it.
Having periods of busyness is a natural part of life. The goal isn’t to secure a permanent seat in the slow lane. I’m not even sure that’s possible. But when we marry chronic busyness to our sense of self-worth, we lose every. single. time.
There’s got to be a better way to reach a positive self-image without driving ourselves into the ground!
Sometimes it helps to look to nature for guidance. I know that makes me sound like a real hippie, but hear me out! Something we humans probably did better, before we forgot we were animals, is hibernate. Not in the literal sense of lowering our heart rate and sleeping for months on end, but that we allowed ourselves to slow down for long periods of time.
February is still well within the realm of hibernation (in the northern hemisphere, of course). Bears, squirrels, even hedgehogs take their cues from their environment. They snuggle into their burrows, knowing they must take time to restore themselves and conserve energy. Animals and plants that don’t hibernate still adjust their pace, trusting that spring and summer’s busyness and bounty will arrive again.
Only we humans have this insatiable desire to sustain an unreasonable pace.
Maybe it’s because we admire our technology more than the squirrels and hedgehogs. Or perhaps it’s because we’ve fused our self-worth to busyness for so long we’ve forgotten our innate value altogether. Regardless, it feels prudent to remember we have more in common with the furry animals of this world than we do with any digital device. Instead of trying to mimic the productivity of a machine, it might make more sense to take our cues from the squirrels.
The pace of fall and winter lend themselves to reflection, a time to slow down and appreciate the stillness that comes with frozen water, shorter days, and copious cups of tea. It’s a time when we can consider what we value most in ourselves, outside of what we do, and be deliberate about the busyness we choose going forward.
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