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There are two ways we can look at life. First, as a gift. Second, as a right. Both have their merit, and these are only two sides of an infinite spectrum. Living at the extremes of our experience is neither sustainable nor enjoyable. As my therapist would remind me, it’s not healthy to see the world through catastrophized thoughts or rely on toxic positivity to remain blind to our challenges. “What then,” we may ask, “is the alternative?”
Harmony.
Harmony is different than balance. Harmony is different than joy, and harmony is different than peace. As much as the thesaurus would suggest otherwise, these are not equivalent.
Harmony is a state of being as much as it is a practice. To intentionally tune into whatever reality unfolds and respond to it with wisdom and compassion is to welcome harmony. But we cannot create it as much as move in and out of it. We can’t harness it as much as we can learn how it works and nurture it. We cannot demand it as much as we can create a space where it can flourish.
Harmony is an action. It’s not a place, a destination, or a location. It’s a process.
And maybe you’re tired of hearing about “the process.” Perhaps you want your words and actions, your efforts to amount to something tangible, something you can point to and say, “this was what all that strife was for.” I get it. I’m with you more often than I care to admit. But the truth is, it’s not just some cliche suggesting that “the journey is the destination.” To truly understand and embody that reality is to realize that no amount of effort with “get us somewhere.” It’s all just part of the process.
On a good day, I’m content with this reality. Even a one-off day full of challenges can be approached as a learning opportunity. But when that one difficult day turns into a tough week and that tough week turns into several, harmony starts feeling like a distant location.
They say “mind over matter” is a physiological fact and that we can utilize our minds to manifest actual ailments (or eliminate them). And as annoying as it can be for myself (and my teenager) to hear that “it’s not the situation, it’s your outlook,” the hard truth is, it’s our outlook.
Every single one of us experiences struggles in life.
We feel pain, isolation, loss, suffering, and injustice. This is universal. To recognize when we double down on our misery, aka choose to nurture a particular storyline or mindset, is to realize that harmony is not some far-off destination. Its essence resides within, and only within, you and me. And because of this, harmony is a place we can always come back to.
Yesterday wasn’t one of those kinds of days for me. Instead, I stoked the fire, fueling the harmful story-lines in my head. But when I lay down at the end of a rather crappy day, I asked myself a simple question:
What can you do right now to keep moving along the path of harmony?
I’m not going to lie. At first, I talked back to the question that arose uninvited into my psyche. “Nothing!” I shouted back. “I’m not the problem.” I searched my mind for the culprit of my misery and realized that the problem wasn’t contingent on any problematic aspect of my day. It was the way I approached those challenges that made all the difference.
Today is still hard, but I’ve chosen ease instead of adding to my discomfort. There is an air of acceptance. Yes, this is hard, but this is also temporary. A new level of clarity has replaced the shroud that we lovingly call “the spiral of doom.” Harmony is a process, not a destination.
Moreover, I have more control over my harmony than I always acknowledge. You, me, all of us, get to choose: We can see harmony as a distant goal, rarely achieved and always fleeting. Or, we can see it as a path we can step onto whenever we choose.
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