My husband thought I was being unreasonable. He looked at me from across the table, eyes glazed over, and said, “Are you serious?”
“Aw, come on! Just think. If we finish this last one, we’ll be done!” Turning back to our respective laptops, we continued our quest for accommodations for summer break.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was proud of pushing my husband to the brink of insanity. But at that moment, I sort of was. Checking things off my list gives me a “planner’s high.” It’s what I imagine runners feeling after exercise, only I didn’t come out of my session panting or sweaty.
“Being busy and being productive are two different things.”
— Unknown
Clicking the last “reserve” button and inputting our credit card, I sat back and admired our work. Our entire summer had been accounted for, but all my husband could think about was that he was finally allowed to leave the table to pee and get some water.
Sometimes I can tunnel-vision so entirely that I forget that there’s more to an experience than the finish line. At times, this can give me the positive momentum I need to push through a difficult task. Other times, it can inspire impatience, resulting in small (and large) mistakes along the way. But I don’t blame myself for this tendency. Not entirely.
The predominant belief in Western culture is that happiness comes from what we accomplish.
Consciously and unconsciously, we tie our happiness to what we’ve done (or not done). We track our steps, our promotions, and our children. We even track our vacations! With all this emphasis on doing, we forget that being is just as valuable. Some would even argue that it’s more valuable, especially in pursuing happiness.
“Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.”
— Stephen R. Covey
Culture aside, there’s still some blame to account for, most of which lands squarely on my shoulders. My lack of awareness prevented me from enjoying a relaxing weekend with family. Not because a crisis had arisen, but because I chose to prioritize my accomplishment. As a result, my children were mostly neglected, and instead of a loving spouse, I was a relentless taskmaster.
I may not be able to change the course of culture, but I can change my path.
The day after our planning marathon, I fell into a slump. Incredible highs often come with significant lows. It became evident that I had two choices: I could try to keep up the momentum of doing things to feel good (like planning a summer or cleaning the garage), or I could be content with being, not doing.
The reality is that joy from accomplishment is fleeting and must be continuously sought outside ourselves. It’s the spiritual equivalent of running on a hamster wheel to be less tired. But if we can discover the joys of being, little by little, we’ll find that there’s never been a need to chase happiness. It’s been here all along.
The longevity of our happiness isn’t determined by our external accomplishments.
More isn’t always better, and doing doesn’t always trump being. Our mind, body, and spirit benefit from a gentler, more balanced approach to life. One that welcomes stillness, awareness, and even a little boredom. When we engage in this kind of balanced lifestyle, we discover there’s more to our happiness than what we accomplish. The mind calms, the heart opens, and we uncover an unshakeable sense of joy. One that bubbles up from within, and never leaves our side.
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