My son recently went through a growth spurt – not vertically, but internally. Shifting emotions had him on edge, and his bandwidth for tolerating discomfort was short. I’ll be honest. It felt like I was walking on eggshells around him.
Transitions take time and patience.
It’s been a long time since I took a child development class, so it also took a long time for me to shift my perspective from irritation to understanding. Looking at my son’s behavior with curiosity offered clarity.
He wasn’t being disrespectful. Well, he was, but that wasn’t his intent. His temper wasn’t a product of unchecked anger issues; it was a reaction to overwhelm and confusion. His little mind was shifting at an alarming speed, and it was freaking him out!
Just about when he was moving out of this growth spurt and returning to his sweet, sometimes cheeky self, I found peace with his process and patience for him (and me). Here’s what I learned (for the umpteenth time this lifetime):
The more significant the transition we go through, the longer it takes to adjust. We’ve got to be patient with ourselves and trust that life will be right itself with time.
You’d think we adults would have figured this out by now! More importantly, you’d think we’d get better at it after so much practice. Turns out, being an adult doesn’t equate to faster, more peaceful transitions. But, there’s always an opportunity to learn!
I’ve made the 14.5-hour flight halfway around the world more than a dozen times. Still, each journey is different. Sometimes it’s smooth. Other times, my son throws up 14 times, and we run out of air-sick bags. Ironically, I can recognize the uniqueness of each flight yet still struggle to give myself grace during the more significant shifts throughout life.
Transitions are part of life, not a no man’s land between bits of living. They’re as integral to living as air itself.
My family has expanded and contracted over time. With each birth and each passing, the body sighs more deeply. No one parting or welcoming compares to the next, and while the world revolves unaffected, it can feel as if I’m moving through mud, slow and labored.
Sometimes I think I’ve gotten over the hump of grief only to have it surprise me. Whether I’m wandering down the grocery aisle, listening to a song at a restaurant, or staring at a beautiful landscape, transitions take time and patience, even when we really wish they didn’t.
The truth is, there isn’t a timeline for how long transitions “should” take. They take as long as they need. Our job is to allow these shifts to unfold on their own schedule; to have patience with ourselves and those around us.
Transitions are inevitable – of our own doing or otherwise.
Seeing each experience with curiosity allows us to drop our storylines and appreciate what it is instead of what we think it should be. All we must do is stay attentive to the undercurrent of our experience and respond with compassion and grace.
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