A Life Well Lived
Grief,  The Kitchen Sink

You cannot rehears a life well lived

Uncertainty is a fact of life. One can never anticipate or prepare for everything that happens in life. But as I lay in bed, unable to sleep for the past several nights, it occurs to me that I still try.

Despite all odds. Despite the knowledge that it’s literally impossible to plan for all the potential outcomes in a day, or a life… I still try.

Call me stubborn. Pig headed. In denial. Mentally ill.

My Dad and I

Regardless, I continue to try and prepare myself for uncertainty.

I know that in the end, no amount of my sleepless nights will bear the fruits of complete “preparedness.” I know that in the end I will simply need to let go and accept what is. But there is some apparent comfort that I gain from imagining different scenarios and how I might respond. Like a dress rehearsal for life.

But you cannot rehears a life well lived.

My whole life has been full of the unexpected. Plans or “should’s” were simply ways of ensuring that those scenarios never came to fruition. And when it did go “according to plan,” the purpose or goal seemed lost along the way, making the experience feel empty and claustrophobic.

Me & Dad too

Hardly an epiphany, and more likely a mundane moment of acceptance, the other night I came to the understanding that plans, comforting as they may be, leave little to the spontaneous and adventurous possibilities of life. And, without allowing for that space where the unknown exists uninhibited, we close off the opportunities to have experiences that are even more amazing than what we had planed.

I will likely continue to try and prepare myself for a myriad of possible scenarios in life. But I will also try to begin seeking out the spaces where I can allow the unknown to exists without my need to fill it with “what if’s.” Because it’s there, in that space of the unknown, where the unexpected has always led me to my most memorable and life changing experiences. And it’s there where I’ve always found the ingredients most ripe for creating a life well lived.

What about you? How do you manage that space for the unknown? Leave a comment below.

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