“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”
~ Maya Angelou
In this new normal that we currently find ourselves in, I’ve come to better understand myself. Not in the “self-development” sort of way though. Rather, in the oh, so that’s part of us too eh, sort of way. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that my “ugly” side has come out so much as my inner Piglet has been arriving more often, and with Piglet in full-on worry mode, creativity has been a bit herky jerky. In other words, I’ve entered the realm of creative block.
This new “normal” has caused me anxiety and fear of losing my inner creative. I’ve found myself in a mad dash to do anything of creative value at lightening speed, only to wear myself out and feel exhausted and deflated, not to mention disliking whatever it is I created. Then I rest. I recover, and wait for that fear to arrive again.
It’s been this way for the last several weeks (dare I say month +) and it wasn’t until this past weekend that I finally let go. I let go of this crazed need to “keep up with the creative Jones’s” and just do me, because me right now is a bit herky jerky. I’m not gonna lie. I feel all over the place and the highs are high (yay for homeschooling wins) and the lows are low (OMG this virus-life is going to go on forever).
I walk into my studio space and look longingly at my table. I touch my paintbrushes and papers and feel an urge to create, but no energy or inspiration to sit my butt down and make it happen, and it’s not so much due to creative block per se, or even my inner critic (though he is having a hey day right now).
It has so much more to do with the fact that priorities have shifted.
What was once a balance between family/house/self is now more of a family/worry/house/exhaustion/homeschool/frustration/clean/cry/cook sort of ‘balance’ and this concoction is time consuming and exhausting.
To be honest, some days I resent it. I curse COVID-19 for taking away my comfortable little existence. I curse, I eat chocolate, and then I remember two things… well, a lot of things really. First, I remember that I have only been deprived of creature comforts (so far), and that in truth my life is good. Second, I remember that I’m healthy. I live in a place that still has adequate heath care facilities (though that could change), and I have a stocked grocery store just minutes away. Finally, I remember that my family is here with me. We are safe, we are mostly happy, and we have plenty to keep us entertained.
I guess what I’m trying to say, without getting to the point in a very eloquent way, is that right now life is a bit herky jerky.
I can find gratitude in every day, and I can find something to curse about every day. I have moments of full-on panic, and I have moments of laughter and joy and the complete absence of worry. I have moments of creative release, and moments I wish I had creative release. I have cheese and cracker dinners, and I have 3 course meals, and you know what… it’s all okay. It’s all part of this process and it’s all completely and totally okay.
I was sitting at our kitchen table thinking at the end of a particularly frustrating and exhausting day wishing for my former life back, when I realized something that I always knew, but has now been lit up like an enormous beacon:
Creativity doesn’t only exist on a page.
Whether we’re writing, or painting, problem solving, or looking through the pantry to figure out what we can make from half a bag of pasta some mini marshmallows and a can of chick peas, we’re being creative. It’s just arriving in a different form than we’re accustom to.
I’ve gotten creative about how I entertain my kids, how I teach them, how I problem solve their conflicts, how I keep things positive and light, and how I make being at home another day special. Creativity may not be arriving at my art table or desk right now, but it’s here. It’s loud and proud because creativity is what is getting us through all of this, and creativity is going to continue to be a staple in our lives in BIG ways in part because of this experience.
Maya Angelou was quoted as saying, “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have,” and I’d have to agree. By the time all of this is said and done, we’re all going to have some seriously toned creativity muscles (even if our other more physical muscles will have atrophied and been given a nice squishy layer of quarantine kilos). Our 6-pack creativity stomachs will continue to help us through all kinds of unforeseen moments in our future and remind us that part of being human is having innate creativity for moments just like these.
Keep trusting that your creativity is arriving today and everyday.
It’s not gone, it’s not lost, it’s just taking on a new form for the time being, and that can be both something that frustrates us, and makes us grateful. It’s all part of this process and it’s all completely and totally okay. Embrace the herky jerky lifestyle we have right now, and keep dreaming of that creativity 6-pack we are building.
Wait! Don’t leave yet!
Have you heard about my COVID-19 Fundraiser over on Ko-fi? For the month of April, I’m donating all donations made to my account to the W.H.O. COVID-19 Solidarity Response Fund, PLUS, I will personally match up to $100 of the total donations given.
We can’t always make huge impacts alone, but we can share the load and make a bigger difference together. A $3 donation, the cost of a latte, can go farther than you think. Please consider heading to my ko-fi page to make your contribution.
Like Mother Teresa is quoted as saying, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”
