Loving my brother has been both the hardest and easiest thing I’ve ever done. Today he told me a shop owner shot him in the face with a BB gun. He’d over slept in the shop doorway and was still there when the shop owner arrived. But instead of telling my brother to move, he shot him.
“I’m fine.” He said. “Not really, but I’m fine.”
My brother changed the subject abruptly. He asked me what I was up to, why I had been out of touch the last month. I told him our family had been traveling. For whatever reason, it got him reminiscing about our childhood.
“Remember when we went to Hawaii?” He paused and I heard his voice crack under the heaviness of memories. “That was so fun.”
“Yeah, I remember. It was a lot of fun.” I said.
“You bought me a necklace. Do you remember that?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Not only did I not remember the necklace but I could feel the pain in his voice. Life had changed so dramatically for him. I’m not so sure Shakespeare was right: having loved and lost seems more painful.
“So where did you guys go?” He asked.
I hesitated to be honest. It felt like I’d be grinding salt into an already open wound. But I didn’t want to lie. “We took our boys to Disney World.”
I heard the tears and the quiver in his breath before any words. “Wow! That’s amazing! Once in a lifetime! I remember when mom and dad took me there. You were still in college, I think. Anyway, what did they think?”
I cringed. Here I was, talking to my brother about Disney World while he sat on a freezing cold sidewalk, secretly charging his battery packs through an outlet on the outside of a building.
But sometimes, when you’re lonely, stories can offer some temporary relief.
“It was good. The boys loved it.”
“What was your favorite part?”
“Honestly, watching my boys fully give in to the magic.”
“Mm…” His sniffles were wet enough to feel through the phone. “Well, Sis, I’ve got to go. Gotta find a place to pee. I love you. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I love you too, brother. Stay safe. Bye.”
The danger in loving someone unconditionally is that you can’t always alleviate their suffering. You can’t make it all better or offer them a magic wand. Instead, you must stand beside them, as best as you can, without numbing yourself, and let your heart break.
How Can You Help?
The Space Between is many things, but more than anything, it’s a love story. For this reason, and so many more, 100% of the profits will be donated to the Downtown Emergency Service Center (DESC) in Seattle, WA.
DESC is a nonprofit that has supported homeless populations since 1979.
Their mission is to, “help people with the complex needs of homelessness, substance use disorders, and serious mental illness achieve their highest potential for health and well-being through comprehensive services, treatment, and housing.”
Homelessness and mental illness continue to impact my family and me. And so, not as an author, but as a sister, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your purchase means more than you know.
