“I ruined Christmas!” That’s how it felt.
My boy’s Lego advent calendars were nowhere in the house. We usually order them in October to ensure they arrive by December 1st. That’s just part of expat life.
I thought it had done it. I was sure it had. “Maybe I just forgot where I hid them.” Closets were torn apart, but still no advent calendars.
I snuck onto my phone and double-checked my Amazon cart. My shoulders fell when I saw the delivery date.
“Delivered April 2020.”
Noooooo!!!!! 😫
Something had to be done.
Two days later, my husband and I sat in our back bedroom, armed with two Lego sets, burlap drawstring gift baggies, mini clothes pins, and twine. DIY Lego Advent at its finest.
We double- and triple-checked that we’d gotten the right pieces in the right order in the right amounts in the right numbered bag and then unveiled our creation to the boys… on December 3rd.
“Success! Christmas is saved!” I thought to myself.
We’re five days into advent now, and the boys uncover our mistakes daily.
“I’m missing a piece.”
Thankfully, no pieces were tossed out. Just miss-bagged. Still, I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt each time a piece is out of place.
Am I unreasonably hard on myself? Yes. Is it because I hate disappointing my children? Absolutely. Will it be okay? 100%.
I’ll be honest. It takes all my effort to stop telling myself I’ve ruined Christmas. So a few pieces are out of place. Perfection isn’t the point. The boys are okay, advent is fine, and I’m sure Christmas will be magical as always.
It’s slowly beginning to sink in that forgetting to order advent calendars was okay, even good, an opportunity.
It’s liberating to accept our failings, and it’s way more sustainable. Mistakes happen, and it’s far better to know how to get back up after we fall than to try to prevent anything from slipping through the cracks.
Life isn’t about living as close to perfect as possible or beating ourselves into a pulp when we fall short. It’s about giving ourselves grace.
So this holiday season, no matter how it turns out, who you disappoint or what grief you have to process along the way, please, please, PLEASE, show yourself some grace.
Mistakes and foibles are bound to arise, and some pieces will be misplaced, and that’s okay. You will be okay.
I’ve apologized to my boys about the advent calendar every day, and I still feel guilty about letting this one slip through the cracks.
But they surprised me: “That’s okay, mama. All the pieces are here, and that’s what matters.”
All the pieces are here, and that’s what matters.
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