Kindness is not a virtue. It’s a practice. And like any practice, we can get better at it.

“Practice makes perfect,” is a mostly retired sentiment these days, making way for phrases like, “practice makes better,” or “practice makes progress,” and while we’re willing to recognize this truth in our creativity, work life, or even our health and fitness, we’ve yet to apply this same perspective to the practice of kindness.

But I would argue that kindness is a skill just like any other skill. That with practice, we can make progress.

In order to learn how to throw and catch a ball, we must find someone to practice with. Then we commit to a certain amount of time to work on tossing and catching. We repeat the process hundreds of times, trusting that this repetition will eventually lead to a more refined ability.

In the area of kindness, we must also practice. We find someone to practice with, and then we commit to a certain amount of time to work on sharing and receiving kindness. Yes, even receiving kindness (that’s the catching part) is practicing kindness.

Then, after many repetitions, we become more comfortable with the process and our practice gives way to a more developed skill. Truth be told, learning to catch and throw a ball is much easier than learning to be kind.

The belief that kindness is a characteristic that some people have more of than others, is to make the same argument that some people are just born “smart.” In this way, we sell ourselves short of our capabilities, while also getting off the hook to try.

The Dalai Lama is quoted for saying, “Whenever possible, be kind. It is always possible.”

Choosing kindness is like choosing the baby carrots instead of the potato chips. It’s choosing the twenty minute walk instead of the Netflix show, and it’s choosing to take that deep breath instead of snapping at someone.

We won’t be successful every time. Potato chips and Netflix are on a winning streak in our home right now. But just like learning to throw a ball, without practice (and failure) we cannot ever hope to find success. And as a side note, kindness towards yourself is also part of the practice.

If you take anything away from this article, I hope that it’s the idea that people aren’t born kind or unkind. It’s a skill that can be developed, and improved with time and effort.

---